Fragments

This world does not tolerate fragility.


How can a person be here and then not be here? I'll never comprehend it.


Trauma erases the future. I live moment by moment.


Documenting the life I have and the life I lost.


What was my father's last vision?


The scene in Cría Cuervos when Geraldine Chaplin bites Ana Torrent's neck. The vampirism of dead parents, how they sink their teeth in and drain us dry.


I mourn you. I mourn myself. I will mourn until I am dead. Only death ends the mourning and the grief and the longing for the dead.


Capitalism traumatizes. The trauma comes at the moment when you are turned from human to machine, when you realize you are not a person but a worker defined by your productivity. I'm against capitalism and what it does to our bodies and our lives, what it's done to my body and my life. My father was poor and died because of it, because his life was not seen as valuable in a capitalist system. This world lets poor people die every day.


I am loved deeply by my mother and I will always be grateful for that. Whatever happens, I've known love.


I speak only in fragments.


A memory of lying in bed with my mother; we were holding one another. I thought I want to stop time. I never want this moment to end, but it did end. Everything ends, and I cannot bear it.