I Will Be With You Again

I tend to remember the quiet moments with my father--the two of us watching television together, walking in the park, being in one another's presence. I can't recount whole conversations. Sometimes, I remember a joke. I wish I had more of his words. He remains a mystery to me.

As the years pass, my memory softens and blurs. I forget details and context. I know I will keep losing him. Loss never ends.

A moment I clearly recall is the two of us discussing U2. We shared a love for their music. I remember asking him what his favorite U2 song was. He said New Year's Day. I cherish that fact about him: a song he loved. You see, I can't ask him now. I can't write out a list of all his favorite songs. I will never know that about him. But I have this one song and it's become an important part of my life. Every time I listen to it, I think of him. The chorus devastates me:

I will be with you again
I will be with you again

I want to believe those words. I want to believe I will see him again but the terrible truth is that I won't. Somehow, though, the song creates a kind of reunion for me. When I listen to it, I am with him once more, if only in my mind.