Tonight, the sky fumed pink and orange, a black cat crossed my path, and I had nothing to fear. The worst has happened.

I lie in bed most of the day and tell my mother I went to class. She doesn't know how much I cry. She doesn't know I am devastated.

I keep trying to touch what should not be touched. I keep trying to speak but my mouth won't open. This is me writing my emptiness. How do I live with it?

I should have plans and dreams and I pretend to but, inside, I know I will never escape my past, my grief, myself.

I want to buy a locket and put a picture of my father in it. When I am alone, I want to open the locket and see his face, hold him in my hands.

I want to tell him I am drowning. I want him to come and save me.